Anything To Add

Knoot

2007-01-23T18:55:18Z

Why must he poo everywhere?
Why must he pee everywhere?
Why must he bite?
Why must he tear paper into tiny pieces?
Why must he chew giant holes in the expensive sofa?
Why must he be incapabe of cleaning his own living space?
Why does he have it in for our snuggly blankets?

Honestly! We've only just managed to house-train Ste and now the bloody rabbit is being tiresome ;p

Small request

2006-12-07T03:57:21Z

Would somebody PLEASE give me the ability to fall asleep right now. Otherwise i'm going to have to go and watch bad TV again and really thats not good for anyone. And could someone shave my head as well because i look utterly preposterous.

ETA: Somebody has severely let me down. I'm off to the TV.

Whats that word?

2006-11-21T06:58:35Z

The world is not designed for people who like to be awake during the night. I want to do my washing. Instead i am under my desk. Anyone would think maybe i was weird or something........

......It's very dark under here....

ETA: My back is on fire. Can you fix this?

.....

2006-11-13T14:09:05Z

......ground.......to......a.......halt.......!

Shag!

2006-10-11T13:23:04Z

Exams should never happen.
Ever.
End of.

Magical retarded moment....

2006-09-19T13:34:30Z

Chloe: *Plays a note on the piano* Ooh deary me!

Naomi: Whats wrong? Is it out of tune?

Chloe: Yeah, i'm afraid so.

Naomi: But it shouldn't be!! The deaf man came and tuned it the other day!...........Blind! I mean blind!

"Your policies have failed the test of time"

2006-09-14T11:21:14Z

http://www.politicalcompass.org/printablegraph?ec=-7.00&soc=-5.03

That little dot there, that would be me.
Chillin' out on the political compass along with Nelson Mandela, The Dalai Lama and Gandhi.
And thankfully a long way off from Hitler, Stalin and George W.

Where you at? Huh?
http://www.politicalcompass.org/

I love......

2006-08-31T14:28:19Z

.....real country folk! Brilliant people. Tell it like it is. No consideration at all. Forgot all about this before.

Took one of Charlie's goats to the vet because it wasn't eating. Well, thats a lie, it WAS eating but then proceeded to froth at the mouth about 5 minutes later. It wasn't very attractive. The other goats were laughing at it. So something had to be done.
Anyway! Sitting in the vets waiting area, country farmer woman walks in, spies the goat and comes over saying "Hello goaty, whats wrong with you then?", sounding all concerned about poor little Liquorice. So Charlie replies "She's not eating her food at the moment so we wanted to get her checked out". Country farmer woman stands up and says very matter-of-factly "Thats what happened to mine last night. The bugger was dead this morning! Wasn't a goat though. Was a ram." And then proceeded to rant at the secretary about how she was up all night because the damned heifer kept blowing in the field (whatever that means).

So posh.
So country.
So funny.

SB re-visited!!

2006-08-30T11:53:40Z

"He's from SB, he's true blue, OI!
He's a piss-head through and through!,
He's a drunk or so they say,
He tried to get to heaven but he went the other way!!"

Trees, birds, sunshine, *Cough*Exams*Cough*, old friends, new friends, spinning in the tumble dryer, wheres the pool table gone?, wheres my gambling machine?, why am i not allowed into Hathern house any more?, tunnelling anyone? ;p

Oh the joy

2006-08-27T02:17:45Z

Important note to self: When you're feeling depressed as all hell, don't go and read the depression boards.
F*ck, f*ckity, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
How am i meant to escape the badness when it's a part of me?
I hate that i have to feel this way.
I hate that i don't know how to get rid of it.
I hate that it will probably be on and off like this for the rest of my life.

Blah!

2006-08-24T05:21:38Z

It's very early.
It's very cold.
And i still can't sleep.
Therefore - Randomness!!!

Firstly - I only just remembered this brilliant quote:

"If i was handing out the Mogwai, and had to instruct people on the do's and dont's, i just couldn't resist the chance to make up my own rules. Like:
1) Doooooooooon't cover it in glue and roll it in sand
2) Doooooooooon't shoot it into space
3) Doooooooooon't place Mogwai in the way during 'Watercolour challenge' and then remove the Mogwai so that when the presenter comes back he say 'Why is there this Mogwai in your painting?!?!?'
No! Doooooooooon't do that"

Secondly - If you run like an idiot you will fall like an idiot.

Thirdly - When a parent has just witnessed their child being thrown from their horse and says in very anxious tones 'Oh no, i do hope she comes back in one piece!', it may not be wise to say 'Admittedly two pieces are more storable', followed by a folding/stacking motion.

Charles and T star in.......

2006-08-11T22:33:50Z

.......THE CHAMPAGNE SUPERFAFF!!!!
Today i got angry. I got more angry than i've been in a long time.
THE WORLD HAS LOST THE PLOT AND IT SUCKS MAJOR ASS.
Anyway, i'll just tell the story and release the madness within, blah blah blah.
Tomorrow me and Charlie are running a sweepstake thing whatever for charity, and the first prize is champagne and chocolates. So obviously, we needed to buy the bloody champagne. Simple you would think. And yet - NO!
I live in the country. It's a long way to the nearest supermarket. About a half hour drive in fact. First time we went to the shop neither of us bought our ID. Admittedly this was entirely our own fault and so we couldn't really complain. but still, it was pretty damn irritating considering that i'm 3 years past being underage and getting ID'd all the time pissees us off majorly.
But anyway, we drive back to my house, i grab my wallet with my driver's licence in and we go back to the shop only to be told that we STILL couldn't buy the champagne. The reason? Because only ONE of us had ID. Apparently nowadays you, and anybody with you, had to have proof of age (which they decided not to mention the forst time we were there) just in case i'm secretly planning on giving it to the other person with me. HOW FUCKING RETARDED CAN YOU GET?!
We were then told that there would have been no problem if i had left Charlie in the car and come in to get it by myself. So we suggested that Charlie leave the premises and then i could buy it. But this was not acceptable either as apparently they now had reason to suspect that i might be planning on supplying it to her.

STUPID WANKING RETARDED COCKSUCKERS.

Also the two things that annoyed me the most about this:
1) If you're gonna buy alcohol for underage people - THEY DON'T COME INTO THE STORE WITH YOU, DO THEY? They go and stand on the other side of the road looking suspicious.
2) What kind of underage teenage drinker commissions someone to go and buy them 1 bottle of £20 champagne? NO KIND! Thats who. Maybe a six pack of beer, or some cheap wine or vodka. But not bloody champagne for christs sake.

I got rather irate. They got the supervisor over. I was so close to smacking her in the face because she was a total whore. Then i made her get the manager down. And then she referred to me as 'him'. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN?!?! How many men do you know that have breasts?!?! By which i mean normal breasts and not 'I'm an overweight man with man breasts, breasts'. Get some eyes, install a brain, and never, ever, ever be unfortunate enough to meet me in a dark alleyway because I WILL SMACK YOU.
Anyway, i digress. So basically we had to do yet another hours driving to get Charlie's ID also. Whereupon i proceeded to march into the shop, grab yet another bottle of champagne and parade straight past the dumb ass supervisor bitch woman waving it in the air.
And yes we got ID'd again. But she was too scared to come and face me herself so she had to send over the huge security guard. What a twat.
I hate her.
I hate stupid laws.
I hate society.
It's shit.

LESS LAW, MORE JUSTICE!

Is it over yet?

2006-08-06T21:17:04Z

I AM SO BORED!!!!
So, so bored.
I need humans.
I need conversation.
I need ANYTHING interesting.
Well no.
Thats a lie.
I have interesting things.
I just need interesting people to share them with.
Oh. My. God.
My mind is giving up on me again.
Somebody please send me entertainment.

Heeeeeres Johnny!

2006-08-03T22:44:47Z

"Well i'm crazy as a fruit bat and i'm nuttier than a flapjack and i'll probably scare your children more than Dracula or Jaws, and i'm totally out of my tree and i only take drugs if they're free and i never have been this insane beforeeeeee"

"Cause i'm the only T, who can't do anything
I just lie in bed or fall of rocks
And if you ask me if i'm worth it
I'll tell you that i don't give a shit"

THANKYOU AND GOODNIGHT!

Vegeta(b)les!!...

2006-07-24T04:27:44Z

...this song is completely stuck in my head! The lyrics are good by themselves. But when you get to watch the cartoon vegetables singing it's even better hahahahaha!!

Narrator: "Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up
the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!"

Larry, Pa, Mr. Lunt: "We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just
stay at home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just
tell you ..."

Larry: "We don't do anything!"

Pa: "Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and
I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been
to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in
the fall."

All: "'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home and
lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ..."

Mr.Lunt: "We don't do anything... And I never hoist the mainstay and I
never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cuz I never sail
at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a
parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall."

All: "'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...
We don't do anything!"

Larry: "Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at
ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall,
and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and I've
never been to Boston in the fall!"

Pa: "Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and
mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate??"

Mr. Lunt: "Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-y
things!"

Larry: "Oh ..."

Pa: "And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring
it up? Am I right? What do you think?"

Mr. Lunt: "I think you look like Cap'n Crunch!"

Pa: "Huh? No I don't!"

Mr. Lunt: "Do too."

Pa: "Do not!"

Mr. Lunt: "You're making me hungry."

Pa: "That's it, you're walkin' the plank!"

Mr. Lunt: "Says who?"

Pa: "Says the captain, that's who!"

Mr. Lunt: "Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch!"

Larry: "And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink
bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and I've
never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ..."

Pa: "You just don't get it!"

All: "And we've never been to Boston in the fall!"

F*ck right off!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-06T11:22:05Z

Dear god the world has gone to far. If i want to paint my house, my car or myself in the colours of the English fucking flag then quite frankly i fucking well will! You know why? Because i'm fucking ENGLISH and i'm fucking proud to be ENGLISH, and i want to support my fucking country in the god damn world cup. Who the fuck do these people think they are telling us we can't have national fucking pride in our own fucking country?!? I don't give a damn if you're not english but still live in england. I don't fucking care. But no fucking way am i gonna sit back and say it's alright for people to say that i can't fly the flag of my country INSIDE my own fucking country because i MIGHT OFFEND SOMEONE WHO LIVES HERE AND ISNT ENGLISH. What the fuck is with that? They can fly their own fucking flags. I'm not gonna stop them. So why the fuck should they stop us?

Eamples that make me angry:

1) Taxi drivers apparently aren't allowed to wear england shirts in case they 'offend foreign visitors'
2) Some 2yr old kid was ordered to remove his england shirt when having lunch IN AN ENGLISH FUCKING PUB!

FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!
If you've got a problem with england showing national pride during the god damn world cup then get the fuck out of england. Now if you'll excuse me i'm going to go and put my england shirt on and paint a huge banner to hang outside. Cunts!

Gay!

2006-06-03T03:23:53Z

Gay! A gay gay. Gay gay gay. Gay.

I SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO LEARN TO SCHLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP SCHLEEP SCHLEEEEEEEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow i will write 4000 words of highly knowledgeable, informative reasearching research gay gay university workage.
Don't you try and stop me now - I mean BUSINESS!!

I can hear the moth.
I can sense the moth.
And yet i cannot see the moth.
Naughty moth!

RRRRRRRandomly roll that 'R'!!!

2006-05-27T00:02:24Z

Supernanny rocks my world (Which until recently has been 'totally un-asseptable!')

Dear God am i bored or what?! Lame, lame, lame! I think i'm tired.

"Oh!....Sugarplums and naan cakes!"

If you see my girlfriend tell her i love her.......

Quick question.....

2006-05-24T14:48:31Z

I had a random thought the other day. Which was - "How long would it take for everybody on earth to tell their story?"

I am now strangely fascinated by this question which is upsetting because there's no way to determine the answer. Best you can do is estimate how long it would take somebody to tell their story (being their real story not just 'I did this, i did that' but their motivations and emotions behind it), and then times that by the current world population. But that doesn't take into account a lot of other things. Like - How many people can't talk? Or are younger and so have a shorter story to tell? But then you could always give a time slot i guess. Most people would be able to fill it. Ego and all that. But yeah - how many people are too young to talk? Or can't talk for other reasons? Plus the population changes every second (Which is damn scary - I am never gonna watch that population clock again *Shudders*), so really it's impossible.

I asked Ste what he thought of my question. He likes it too. He estimated it would take him 3 hours to do his story justice. I can't imagine talking about myself for three hours.

How long would it take you to tell yours?

Lets not be silly now!

2006-05-15T23:30:14Z

Sometimes i feel people take things a little too far.
Case in hand - Energy drinks!

They come in cans you know.
Theres no need to be dramatic about it is there?
Stick the drink in a can - Give it a name - Label it as an energy drink - Sell it, yes?
NO!
Someone always has to take it that little bit further.
And then you end up with *Drum roll please*..........."RELENTLESS"!! *Insert evil villain laugh here*

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f354/tocopherol/Stupid.jpg

Oh yes, thats right - It's a 'gothic' style energy drink. For all those people too hardcore for just an average Red Bull.
Now i could probably let it slide. Even though it looks ridiculous. But they had to take it even further by writing ridiculous things on it didn't they?

Such as:
"Your energy, Your obsession, Relentless"
To quote 'Withnail' - "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Even worse is the little bit they have written on the back:
"Even genius has to pay it's dues,
It's goodbye to the shortcuts, hello to the grind.
Nobody ever said it would be an easy ride.
So, push more, risk more, feel more.
How much is just a question of courage.
A matter of the heart"

WTF?!?! IT'S AN ENERGY DRINK FOR CHRISSAKES!! Not a god damn life motto!

Bloody weirdo's!

P.S - It tastes like shit!

The voice of wisdom speaketh....

2006-05-15T11:57:23Z

Just for you, for one day only, i'm gonna impart some of my worldly knowledge so that life can go better for all of you as well. So here goes.....

Firstly - If you are planning on investing money in an alarm clock i recommend that you buy one that has the extra feature of GOING OFF AT THE TIME YOU SET IT! This will mean that you will actually wake up on time and not in fact 5 hours late, causing you're entire day to be thoroughly buggered!

Secondly - If you are hoping to purchase something from a shop, lunch for example, the people that work in the shop appreciate it more if you TAKE YOUR MONEY WITH YOU! That way when they ask you "How would you like to pay?", you can give the preferred answer of "Cash" or "Card" rather than "Actually i am a retard and will not be paying for these items at all" *Insert manic embarrassed laugh here followed by a sprint from the premises*

So there we go - Don't say i never do nothing for you!!!!

ETA:

At this point i feel the entry should be renamed - "A comedy of errors"

Since imparting my most recent worldly advice even more exciting things have happened. So again - I am going to share the wisdom:

Thirdly - Do not attempt to write a text message and walk along at the same time. Apparently the combination of those two things equates to your left foot ending up in a giant puddle. Soggy much?

Fourthly - Do not make that age old mistake of walking past a puddle in the road as a vehicle drives the other way. Yes i got splashed. I got splashed hardcore style. Indeed i got splashed 'end of Bridget Jones 2' style.

I am glad i have bought my sense of humour with me.....

Take me home!

2006-05-14T10:19:00Z

Not to Nottingham, not to Bedford, not even to Sussex.
Take me to my real home. The place where everything makes a lot more sense. Take me to the place i see as the most beautiful place on earth. Take me to where i know. The place of a million different memorys. Where the world speaks in a language that i understand.

Where the owls screech and fight as they have done since the beginning of time.
Where the bats fly outside the window as night time arrives.
Where the wind sings it's own haunting song of history and endurance across the moors.
Where the beck echoes it's tales off the stones it passes by.
Where the earth is not just something i walk on but is something i am part of. It is where i came from, what i now am, and where i shall end up.
Where the lows are every bit as beautiful as the highs.
Where time seems to stand still because it is happy with how it is now. It is complete as it is and feels no need to apologise.
Where the songs of the past are real.
Where the things i believe in still remain true.
Where the sound of a single door being shut can mean so much.
Where the rocks have stories of their own.
Where the laments that people sing ring true.
Where the fantasy meets reality.
Where the younger proves their love of the elder.
Where the passion is a strength and not a weakness.
Where the songs i adore were inspired.
Where the world comes into it's own.

Where i belong for now and forever.
Take me home.
Take me to Arkengarthdale.
http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f354/tocopherol/32c88775.jpg

Negative feedback loop missing.......have you seen it?!?

2006-05-09T14:14:46Z

Hypothalamus

|
|
v

Stimulates Corticotrophin releasing factor (CRH)

|
|
v

Stimulates Adrenocorticotrophic hormone (ACTH)

|
|
v

Elevates Cortisol production and secretion

|
|
v

INSERT NEGATIVE FEEDBACK LOOP HERE - Oh wait, it's missing isn't it? Darn!!

|
|
v

Cortisol affects Serotonin production and secretion - THATS NOT GOOD!

|
|
v

Cortisol production reduced during hours of sleep

|
|
v

9 hours of sleep a day please!!

Shall we try this new theory out? Shall we? Well alrighty then. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm feeling the Bedford love.....

2006-05-08T21:16:01Z

Oh yes people. Thats right. T is soooo feeling the Bedford love. I have been here for over a week now. I was meant to be in uni all week. I am so far behind it's not even funny. But i don't mind because, oh yes! - I'm feeling that love.

Bedford rocks my socks. The people here are awesome. And you know whats really amazing? Something that totally blows my mind? Brace yourself - THEY FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER!! Oh yes! Thats right. It sounds almost unbelievable i know. But it's true.
I'm sitting in their front room right now. And Sarah is sitting with me doing her work and it's just sooooo fucking good to not be alone. We're not even talking right now but theres just this really comfortable silence between us and it just feels so nice to have someone else there. And even better - they all seem to like me and don't seem overly bothered that i have just moved into their house for the past week or so. I wish i lived here. But sadly i will have to leave either today or tomorrow. Back to fucking Nottingham where nobody talks and nobody laughs and nobody is even fucking there. But i'm gonna try and not think about that for now and instead write out some of my fondest memories (so that i dont ever forget them) of people and their comments during this wonderful break from reality that i have had *Insert happy sigh here*....

1) Getting caught by Helen. Now that is an experience i will never forget. The girl could talk for Britain. Indeed if there were talking competitions and she DID talk for Britain, we might actually win something for once! Two and a half hours - NON-STOP Helen talking. All i got to say was 'Yes' at the appropriate moments. Dear lord the woman is a force to be reckoned with. I have learnt my lesson. I will never be caught alone with her again.

2) Getting given flowers http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f354/tocopherol/Flowers.jpg Bless her!

3) Sarah trying to claim that she is taller than me - LMAO! I know i'm not exactly the tallest person you're ever gonna meet but i am of a fairly average height. Sarah on the other hand is clearly no more than 3ft high i swear to God. It was very difficult for me to keep a straight face when she asked if i was taller than her. Bless her again!

3)Sophie and the ridiculous/unfortuate, accidental word replacement comments. The girl is so blonde sometimes.

Helen: "Sophie, can you tell me about the bayeux tapestry please"
Sophie: "Yes!!............it's sewing.....?!?!?!"

Nicola: "Oooh Sophie that could be your special talent! Like if you entered an american beauty contest your special skill could be your ability to fold shirts really, really fast"
Sophie: "Yeah but it wouldnt be my special talent because i can also put my fist in my fadge.........MOUTH! I meant i can put my fist in my mouth!"

Sophie's guide to laminating: You put it in, wait a minute, and there it is!

4) Nicola and the tiny tree incident - "Please forgive me for my flaws". We will my dear. But only because that was so god-damned funny.

5) Agnes - Should never leave England. Clearly she belongs here with us for the entertainment value. Gotta love the dancing.

I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO NOTTINGHAM.
NOTTINGHAM IS NOT A GOOD PLACE.
IT SUCKS THE JOY OUT OF PEOPLE.
I WILL BE ALONE AGAIN.

At least i can be thankful i had a week off eh?

Me + Jen + Alcohol + Toots = .....

2006-05-01T13:49:55Z

....the best methodology ever.
God how i wish we had handed it in like this.
Just for reference - Helen was our lecturer who set the work. Most of the really insane stuff came from Toot's, which she now denies. And some of the first bit is song lyrics that me and Jen were singing at each other because we were drunk.

- We took a 600ml sample of water from a local freshwater pond
- We then analysed the sample to see whi
- ch invertebrates it contained
*Enter singing*
Now when i think of touching your hair
Know the scene that your in
But you think i'm not as cool cause your so beaaaaaauuutifuuuullll
God my fingers burn
If i can call you and tell you i care
*End singing*

I WILL COME FOR YOU HELEN!!!

Methodology
We took a 600ml sample of water from a local freshwater pond
We then spent the next 3 hours wondering why Helen's parents thought children were a good idea. Whats wrong with helen? I love Helen!!!

We took a 600ml sample of water from a local freshwater pond
Scooooooooooooooooooooooop scoooooooooooooooooooooop dave, wheres my scoop cave? Dave? Dave? Where is Helen, Dave?

*Enter Toot's*
The Spanish will never guess it. The level of oxygen saturation in the pond can be determined by feeding Stanley into the hexapiepanty poop machine cock. Box.
*End Toot's*

We took a 600ml sample of water from a local freshwater pond.
We then analysed the invertebrates in the sample using our x-ray eyes.

We took a 600ml sample of water from a local freshwater pond.
We identified the invertebrates in our sample using a detailed biological key book.
Thanks Helen. You're a gem.